Online Dating Tag Line

While flipping through my journal, and I came upon this bit of nonsense written last June (I think I should be
embarassed, but it's just too funny...). It would make an excellent online dating profile sentence, no?

"I'm fat, ugly, anti-social, and enjoy being repulsed by close relationships."

Ah, the weird days of yore.

I've also decided that the word "dragoon" is one of the English language's hidden gems. Dragoon. Don't you dragoon me into that, you greasy skank. In my previous life, I galloped on horseback across the moors, musket at my side, war in my blood, courage binding me to my fellow infantrymen, my hearty regiment, my faithful dragoons. This here, children, is a dragoon - unlike his cunning, fiery cousin, the dragon, our little dragoon enjoys his evening pub crawl far too much to challenge any knights in battle.